What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 04:59
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I was 9 years of age.
She loved him until the end.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I think the readers, may guess!
She married twice! .
Does Donald Trump have low self-esteem?
But it wasn’t much.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I don,t even have a pension.
I couldn’t, believe it.
But, we were locked up after school.
So, i spoilt her more .
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(And it was in our own minds.)
I waited trembling.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
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She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
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I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Im still living with it.
Who is the beast of Revelation 13?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
We all went to grammer schools
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Does believing in God and Satan cause schizophrenia?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
How do the youth in Taiwan perceive their national identity in relation to China?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
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Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I write beautiful poetry .
Would this be the day?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
It was going to be , some day.
Who then, do I blame.?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She wouldn,t have been !
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
We were not on the streets..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I said to her
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
What did i know ?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Especially a lifetime of it.
Ive learnt so much.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I could never make a relationship work though!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
This is soul school!.
Comes on , in middle age.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But ive been too sick for many years..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I will be 64.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
When she asked me how she looked .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Put me off passion for life!!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was seconnd youngest,
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
All the time i was locked up.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He knew the spot.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She found it foreign!.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I was very sick at this time too.
One cannot live in the past .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My family never makes their pension either.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
So whats the point in blame.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I was scared of men, in general
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She was in good health!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
As i do to all so called friends.?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I have no regrets .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My life is so biszare .
And i lived it daily.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)